My tiny grandson has already become a wonderful teacher. He is only eight weeks old and doesn’t do too much yet. He lives a simple life. He is fed when he is hungry, he gets burped and has his nappy changed when he feels uncomfortable and he sleeps when he is tired. His needs are met. Hunger, discomfort and tiredness. His relief is instant when we can decipher what his needs are and provide them for him.
But that’s not the end of the story. He has another need that was with him the moment he was born and will stay with him the rest of his life. We all share his need and it is a constant within us. I’m sure you’ve guessed what it is by now. Yes, the need to feel loved. How does that need translate? How can we give such an intangible thing that is essential for our well-being? It’s a question that men and women have been struggling with since the beginning of time as it appears to mean different things to different people.
What makes you feel loved? Ask yourself that. Ask your friends and see what they say. Don’t comment when they get stuck for words, just listen to their answers. We often start at the surface. We can identify things that make us feel good. “I feel loved when he remembers Valentines Day”, or “I feel loved when she lets me go to the game with the guys”. When we dig a little deeper it may sound like “I feel loved when he cuddles me” or “I feel loved when we have sex”. When we dig even further still, the Universal answer starts to appear. “I want to feel loved”.
What does that mean? It means I want to feel secure, I want to feel accepted, I want to feel good. It may mean a whole lot more for you, but these are some of the basic principles and some of the very basic needs of a human being. When I had fed, changed and burped my little grandson, he had no other needs but to want to feel secure. It was then that he fell asleep in my arms and slept the sleep of the contented. His need to feel secure was essential for his sense of well-being even when he was no longer hungry or thirsty.
Feeling safe and secure is a basic instinct in every creature be they human being or animal, be they cave man or billionaire businessman. We may not have a lot of possessions or find ourselves in difficult times but when we feel loved we feel secure. We can deal with things a whole lot better. It gives us strength and nurtures our soul. It is wonderful when we can find other people to offer us love and security but sometimes we find ourselves alone so how can we feel loved and secure, where does that love come from?
Realizing that we can provide our own love and sense of security is a great thing to realize. If we are content on the inside, what comes from the outside is a bonus and not a need. When we rely on others to fill our cup, to provide our sense of security and love, we are looking for love in all the wrong places. First we need to be our own best friend, provide our own need for acceptance, be loving to ourselves and then we will be content. Then we will attract others in our lives that mirror that love back to us.
If you are looking for love in a relationship, first create a loving relationship with yourself. Then see others get attracted to that.
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